dorothystewartblog

about writing and life and God

No more Lone Ranger

on August 9, 2012

Friday is my official caring day. My husband has frontal lobe dementia and lives in an excellent care facility but on Fridays, I take him out for the day.

I won’t be doing that tomorrow. My step-daughter and family have come on holiday for a week and tomorrow they are taking John out. I shall have an extra day to write and do the other things I do.

But it’s strange. I’m used to being the Lone Ranger. The one who solves all the problems, oversees his care, makes sure everything is all right – and provides a happy outing on Fridays. The One-Stop Shop.

Tomorrow I have to recognise that there’s something better than the Lone Ranger on offer. And be glad.

So many carers slip into the need-to-be-needed trap, where their identity and sense of value comes from their caring role at the expense of everything else. Then when their loved one goes into a care facility or dies, their world’s sudden emptiness plunges them into depression or ill-health.

Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto as a side-kick. Carers need side-kicks and support. You can’t do it Lone Ranger style for very long. I know. I tried. And  now that I’ve handed on the baton to an excellent team at the care home I need to make sure I don’t slip back into Lone Ranger ways of thinking that I’m the only one who really knows him, who understands the illness, who can see what’s happening. I need to share the care. No more Lone Ranger.

‘Come to me all you who are weary from carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.’ Matthew 11:29

 

 

 

 

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2 responses to “No more Lone Ranger

  1. Anne says:

    That’s good you understand this from every angle. I imagine it is still hard to do. At the moment, post-op. – nothing major – I am being cared for. It is very hard NOT to be able to do things and I feel guilty at receiving so much care as I watch my husband look tired after a day at work then come home to do the things I would normally do. It is probably a good experience for him – proving to himself he can cook, clean, iron, garden……..and give me a row if I try to do so much as switch a machine on………..

    I like the text.

    Look after yourself too.

    • Try to enjoy being waited on hand and foot: it won’t last cos you’ll be better and back on your feet before long! I’m having great fun with this blogging and am trying to do one a day till I have a weekly pattern. Today’s is on food (sort of!)

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