about writing and life and God

So easy to forget

on August 25, 2012

Today’s taking a while to get started. I woke at my usual hour, did my usual things and now, only now, am I beginning to get into gear.

It’s always the way. I reckon it takes me approximately 36 hours to get back to clear water after visiting/taking my husband out for the day. (Those of you following my blog already know he’s got dementia and lives in a care home.)

I do beat myself up about this. He’s being looked after by other folk all week – so why can’t I cope with a few hours without all this pathetic reaction? And why does it always come as a surprise?

I think it’s worse after a nice visit/day out. When we’ve smiled and had fun together, enjoyed the outing… When I haven’t dissolved in tears at the exit gate or on the road home. When I’ve not hit the biscuits when I get in the door. When in fact I’ve behaved like a normal human being living a perfectly normal life.

That’s when next morning’s downer hits hard.

I suppose it’s a kindness from God that we humans have such short memories. What woman would ever have a second baby otherwise?!! But it can be irritating, if not painful when something leaps up and bites us and all we can say apart from ‘Ouch!’ is ‘Oh, I forgot…’

What I forgot this time is twofold:

  1. that even after a nice visit/outing, there will be a price to pay. Nice visits/outings take it out of us in energy and emotion, always.
  2. I need to be gentle with myself and patient and wait for my energy to clear and for calm to return.

I’m putting together a book for folk like me, with loved ones in care homes. The format will be the same as my book for the home carer/caregiver: a Bible text, a meditation, a short prayer, and then a self-care suggestion.

I can do the first three no problem. But I do have a real problem with the last one: the self-care suggestion! So, I’m going to ask for help. Please send me your best self-care suggestions, and I’ll award a copy of my book, One Day at a Time, Mediations for Carers to the best suggestion each month up to the end of December when I have to deliver the manuscript to SPCK.



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