about writing and life and God

Dementia Diary 5: Once more on the rollercoaster

on September 14, 2012

I got there in time. He was, as usual, sitting waiting outside. Not exactly tapping his watch.

‘On time,’ he commented. I do try very hard to get there on time. If I’m late, the messages mount up on my mobile phone.

I had a plan. It’s good to have a plan. But it went wrong within moments.

‘I thought we’d go to that nice garden centre for coffee and have a look at Cotton Traders for a few more roll necks for you,’ I began. ‘We’ll see if they have a nice deal on.’ (He usually likes bargains.)

‘I don’t need any more roll necks,’ he said.

I had checked his wardrobe just last week. He seems to be catching the elbow of his rollnecks somewhere and tearing holes in them. However, as the wet-behind-the-ears social workers who reassessed my husband in January told me, we must respect his wishes even if what he wishes is stupid or harmful or…

So, OK, we won’t go to Cotton Traders.

I find somewhere nice for coffee along the road and buy him a pain au chocolat. Somehow I find myself stuffing a huge thickly buttered fruit scone into my face.

We set out again and I try to think up Plan B. And soon we’re at cross-purposes again. It’s simply one of those days. Maybe it was time for one of those days. We’ve had a run of good ones!

Anyway, today scratches along – on my nerves! I’m getting decidedly twitchy. Too much coffee, maybe?!

Where we had coffee this morning provides a shelf full of current newspapers and magazines for guests to read. I was interested to read in i that it isn’t stress that causes the most heart attacks, but powerlessness: ‘jobs which leave workers little freedom to make decisions sharply increase the risk’ according to a Europe-wide study reported in The Lancet.

Tell us about it.

The text: ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of your life.’ Proverbs 4:23

The prayer: Guard my heart, Lord. This situation we are in makes me feel powerless and helpless. Remind me that You are in charge and that I can trust in You. Amen.

The self-care suggestion: Succumbing to heart disease is not going to help either us or our loved ones so building in time out is essential. If the pain hits, take deep slow breaths and try to distract yourself.  (I tried to find five pretty things on the road home!) And get that heart/pain checked out! You’re important!






2 responses to “Dementia Diary 5: Once more on the rollercoaster

  1. Anne Booth says:

    I thought exactly the same today about powerlessness and stress and trying to support someone with dementia.

    • Hi Anne, thanks for that. I spent most of yesterday evening after writing it thinking I’d been unfair/a Moaning Minnie etc etc! Not quite through the other end yet – it usually takes me around 36 hours, so maybe today’s post will be about that. Any subjects you’d particularly like covered?

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