dorothystewartblog

about writing and life and God

Time for courage

on March 26, 2013

I’ve enjoyed living in my current home. The cats have enjoyed the garden. It’s just the right length for a decent run up to the tree at the bottom of the garden to launch them half way, claws scrabbling for a hold, before they give up and drop back down to the lawn.

When they were tiny, I discovered they liked climbing. They’d be halfway up the telegraph pole at the bottom of that garden! And they used to annoy my next-but-one neighbour and terrorise her fully grown cats, scrabbling over her conservatory roof, even though they were only 6-week-old bundles of black fluff.

They’re still quite small. And I’ve booked them into the cattery for the duration of the move. I kind-of wish I could book myself somewhere similar and sit it out while it all happens around me! However, it is my responsibility so I must get on with it. So far everything is moving with amazing smoothness. The various people I’m dealing with – from utility companies to removals firms – have been unstintingly and unfailingly helpful. I get to keep my telephone number. All I need do to access broadband is plug it in when I get there. I have a couple of meter readings to phone through on the day… And so on.

The hardest thing to do has been to sort out my husband’s things. My plan is to use the tiny bedroom in the new house as a boxroom/store-room and simply label everything I won’t be using and he won’t be needing and store the bags and boxes there. However, in one wardrobe here there were two dinner suits, a morning suit, two heavy coats, three business suits… clothes he won’t be needing now, but I can’t bear to get rid of – yet.

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So I was sorting them out to pack and label. And it reminded me of sorting out my mother’s things after her death. Except that then, my sister was with me and that made all the difference.

Dementia is like death without death. And I’m a widow without being a widow.

Somehow I have to face this new stage in my life with courage and dredge up some hope for a future that will be worth living, despite what’s happening to my husband. I have to trust that God is with me and looking after me. I really need my two key life texts:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will go with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, ” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

 

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4 responses to “Time for courage

  1. Stay strong Dorothy. You are very inspiring and I’m sure there are plenty of good things to come in your future. Mum and I love reading your blog. We have never had the heartache of seeing a loved one with dementia but understand it must be very difficult. Take joy in the special moments and stay healthy and strong for your husband. Your kitties will miss you when they’re in cat camp but will be very excited to check out their new cosy spots to sleep in I’m sure. Thinking of you. Bisous Bailey

  2. kimmwalker says:

    Thank you for sharing this Dorothy. I have a friend whose husband is now in a home with dementia. She has no faith, though, and I can’t help praying she did.

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