about writing and life and God

Comfort of a special kind!

on May 10, 2013

There was a pop-song way back in the 60s about circles. I feel a bit trapped into a never-ending circle at the moment.

Today is Day 2 of the new regime and off I went, a little later as agreed, for a cup of tea at the care home with my husband. When I got there I discovered I was too late for tea which had already been served. A rather larger group than on Wednesday swivelled beady eyes on me – a few in armchairs round the edge of the conservatory, and a closed circle of ladies round a table. No staff members in sight.

My instinctive response was that of a rabbit in the headlights: freeze! But I forced myself to walk over to where my husband was ensconced at his table in the corner with pile of books and big mug of coffee. He has set it up as a table for one so there is nowhere for me to sit.

And the silence. If I lower my voice to speak privately to him, he can’t hear me. And I can’t bear to shout – in public, as it were. Especially to this unsmiling, unwelcoming audience who watch my every move.

Let me admit honestly I can’t bear it. And I couldn’t bear it, so we went up to his room on the pretext of checking some things. But conversation of any kind was not possible today.

Except he was surprised we hadn’t gone out yesterday as usual for our outing. He couldn’t remember why he’d said he didn’t want to. Maybe the cost of the lunch. Or the hassle for me.

So I think perhaps we’re back to Thursday outings, but shorter, with the focus on lunch. We shall see.

And as I fled, I could feel the grip of the circular treadmill. So I went down to the pier and bought myself an ice cream with a chocolate flake.

Southwold pier - and in the left-hand corner you can see another customer w

Southwold pier – and in the left-hand corner you can see another customer with ice-cream

Comfort-eating, I know. And yes, very comforting!


One response to “Comfort of a special kind!

  1. Helen Murray says:

    Praying that the Comforter will hold you close. x

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