about writing and life and God

Peace in the doldrums

on June 14, 2013

I’m not sure about the new haircut. It’s a bit shorter and the colour’s a bit darker. Ann, my hairdresser, assures me that the sun will lighten it and that to start too blonde would soon turn brassy. Well, we can’t have that!

But it added to the day’s doldrums. Funny how some days just start off down and then continue on their belly. Pity, really, because the sun’s shining. But depression pays no attention to that. And I must confess to depression. Or maybe left-over miserableness from yesterday.

Not good enough.

Now, I’d never dream of ever telling any friend (or even enemy!) with depression to get a grip, and shake themselves out of it. But I do it to myself all the time! Completely unproductive. Like the pack of flapjacks I deliberately bought ‘to cheer myself up’ — and wreck the diet!!!

I cannot imagine how any humanist can possibly kid themselves that we human beings are lovely competent beings who can safely be entrusted with our own lives, let alone a whole planet! I know I can’t. I give myself a D minus even in the plodding along stakes!

But I know God doesn’t. I know that when He looks at me, He sees someone that Christ died for, and He doesn’t see the mess I’ve made of everything, He sees the righteousness of Christ clothing one of His beloved daughters.

I just wish I could feel some of that! But today I don’t.

And I know that’s all right too because ‘Faith is the evidence of things we can’t see’. And faith is our part in this relationship with God. So even if I don’t feel loved and cherished and filled with joy, peace, etc., I’m going to hang on by sheer gritted determination to the belief that despite how I feel, God is still Who He says He is and He’s in charge of my life and He knows what He’s doing. I don’t. So I’ll sit tight and wait for the toxins from yesterday to ebb away and for the peace to return.

And it will return. Because Jesus promised it would.

‘My peace I give you…Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.’ (John 14: 27)

And that’s good enough for me.

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